Sanity at last!! GB News!! 🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧🇬🇧



I woke up this morning
after a terrible dream
feeling deflated
With low self esteem

I dreamt that life
was only for wokes
The laughter had gone,
a ban on all jokes

We were monitored
So closely night and day,
only could act
In a certain way

If you didn’t conform
Or adapt to their ways
In their weird world
in a ‘hippy haze’

You’d have to reprogram
to think the same way
If you don’t you’ll be vilified
and carted away

It felt sometimes
If I should smile
That I was questioned
and put on trial

I was subjected to abuse
and dirty looks
As I admitted my stash
of Enid Blyton books 😱

I woke up terrified
In a cold cold sweat
Is this what life will be like,
under a Corbynista left?

I went downstairs
For a much needed brew
And switched on my saviour
…….The GB news’ 💕








Same every year!!! 🤣😂🤣

The inflatables 😁
Summers finally landed
We’ve waited long enough
We’ve descended on the beaches
My god don’t we look rough?

We’ve piled on the calories
been starved of vitamin D
Squeezing into cozzies
to small for you or me

That pale white skin is burning,
to a funny shade of pink
We’ve been so starved of sun rays
and we’re knocking back the drink

Stampeding to the beaches
as that mercury rises
our inhibitions out the window
In all shapes and sizes

We do it every year
This years no exception
We binge bathe all day in the sun🌞
To darken our complexion

We’ll show off all our white bits
As though a badge of honour
Then watch it peel and disappear
And wonder why we bother 🤷‍♀️










Patriotic 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿🇬🇧

The Union Jack ❤️


We’re so very proud to be English
and incredibly proud of our flag 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿
You can see why we get so upset
When shamed and constantly gagged

Things happened regardless
Before history ever got ‘cancelled’
Our ‘Englishness’ and customs
now relentlessly being dismantled

It’s increasingly now evident
our past just can’t be accepted
We will be vilified for evermore
Until we grovel and stand corrected

We may be a small island
But we did once rule the waves
yes things were done quite differently
And yes we did use slaves

We’re not of the same mindset
Would be disgusted by it now
Piracy 🏴‍☠️ and pillaging
Would never be allowed

It was a dog eat dog world
and we mostly came out on top
there were some ruthless bloody times
With no-one prepared to stop

That’s it - just how it was
Whether it’s right or wrong
It was a barbaric and ruthless world
from arrows.. fast forward to bombs 💣

I admit we are so privileged
together under the Union Jack 🇬🇧
that’s why our island’s so popular
and people keep coming back

I’m proud of some of our achievements
Though some will goad and sneer
I have to say if you don’t like our flag
You’re free to disappear















Our Guardian Angels

Weight in Gold
Paramedics 

It’s not just a job it’s a special calling
To help strangers out in situations appalling
Who swoop in to help in our darkest hour
Survival literally within their power

Those ambulances flying at breakneck speeds
To get to you quickly whatever your needs
Never knowing what the next job will be
It could be your family or you or me

so grateful for their skill and patience
through experience and observation
You have to be a special kind of person
a guardian angel for which I am certain

Our lives are literally in their hands
Only a paramedic would understand
They truly are worth their weight in gold
So professional dedicated and controlled

If you hear that siren or, flash of blue
Move over Safety and let them through
It could be a matter of life or death
Or Some poor souls final breath







English and proud!!!!!!

Can’t beat the beach 🏖


Stood, stomach out watching
the waves hit the rocks
Proudly wearing my
sandals and socks


Courageously stood
there brazen and bold
Won’t have a paddle though
- too flipping cold


There’s not many of us left
we’re the salt of the earth
Shall wear my Knotted hanky
for all that it’s worth


It’s an art you know
a knot in each corner
I’m a deckchair man
not a boogie boarder


No day by the sea is
complete without chips
Whilst my stomach causes
a partial eclipse


My wife gets annoyed if
I block out her sun
‘Get rid of that stomach!!’
‘Go for a run!‘


I might take a stroll
along the prom
have a couple of pints
whilst I’m gone


Maybe watch footie on
the wide screen T.V.
Yep...a day by the seaside
is definitely for me.







Nothing quite like the seaside 🏝

Just love 💗 the sea 🌊


There’s something so special about being by the sea
living so far inland it’s a joy to me
Whether the Suns out or whether it’s cold
That blue of the sea and sand of gold

You can dive straight in and swim like a fish
Or sit and watch eating fish and chips
Those gusts of wind whipping up the sand
Makes the fish taste gritty salty and bland🤢

Seagulls swooping with that high pitched cry
Scavenging then soaring high in the sky
The crash of the waves hitting the shore
Just like it always has done centuries before

The pier in it’s day would’ve been grand
across the water far out it spanned
Ice cream parlours and fun fair rides
Arcades and candy-floss along the side

It can be a busy or lonely place
the sea breeze the view to embrace
excited children with buckets and spades
mum and dad with designer shades 😎

Slap that sun cream on at least factor 30
Sand and lotion all sticky and dirty
Watch the surf froth up the foam
Then ready for that long drive home 🏠







What happened to good old romance?

There’s no mystery left!!!


Women lifting weights,
with their ‘secret weapon.’
Looking pretty pleased
after a sweaty gym session

Adverts to help you, if
You’re dry ‘down below?’
Sometimes there are things,
You DON’T need to know.

Tonight they’re showing
Women’s hairy pits
and lots of other
Unmentionable bits!

Men are now at it
with their bamboo cool briefs
It will stop all that chaffing
And hot sweaty cheeks

No wonder they need help
With erectile disfunction.
Can’t we just go back
To good old fashioned seduction?



Berni Inns 💕


Remember the days you went out to dinner, with a glass of wine and a pint of bitter. Traditionally it was always steak and chips, always a treat on our monthly trips. Prawn cocktail in a glass, was ALWAYS a must, little triangles of brown bread without the crusts. The Berni Inn was a special place, traditional food to fill Your face. . Some go to posh places Just to be seen, paying a fortune for their meagre cuisine. Berni Inns did food filling the gap – not little tit bits with drizzle and crap. Some have to feel they’re up there with the ‘Jones’s,’ dreading the Bill as the waiter approaches.😱 Probably still hungry as they make their way home.. and probably will have to take out a loan! Maybe we should stick to fish and chips and give all these fancy restaurants a miss. It’s obscene Just what these places are charging when there’s poverty, food banks and people are starving. So, go to the chippie and fill yer boots. Maybe it’s just me?…….and my northern roots?

Good old Berni Inns 💗

(Prawn cocktail? 💕


Remember the days you
went out to dinner, with
a glass of wine and a pint of bitter.

Traditionally it was always steak and
Chips, always a treat on our monthly
trips.

Prawn cocktail in a glass
was ALWAYS a must, little triangles
of brown bread without the crusts.

The Berni Inn was a special
Place, traditional food to fill
Your face.

Some go to posh places Just to be seen,
paying a fortune for their meagre cuisine.

Berni Inns did food filling
the gap. Not little tit bits with
drizzle and crap.

Some have to feel they’re up there
with the ‘Jones’s,’ Dreading the bill
as the waiter approaches.😱

Probably still hungry as they make their way
home.. and probably will have to take
out a loan!

Maybe we should stick to fish and chips
and give all these fancy restaurants a miss.

It’s obscene Just what these places are charging,
when there’s poverty, food banks and
people are starving.

So, go to the chippie
and fill yer boots. Maybe it’s just me?
.......and my northern roots? 🤔




Wee Nippy – Queen of Scots 👑🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

Not happy until she’s wearing that tiara!!


She wants to stay with Europe
But not to stay with us
Personally I would let them go
and see how they adjust

They think that once they’ve left
The world will be their oyster
If the truth was really known
they’re trying to avoid her

I think her Judgment’s clouded
by her hatred for our flag 🇬🇧
She’ll end up dividing our country
Which I think is very sad 😞

You can’t deny her passion
She’ll be upgrading Hadrian’s wall
It’s really so unnecessary
and shouldn’t be needed at all

They’ve enjoyed the fruits of England
With prescriptions and education
do they believe it will carry on
after this acrimonious separation?

We might speak slightly different
though living on the same piece of land
We can’t separate for security
I’m sure you must understand?

It’s a shame you can’t be happy
and you just can’t stick around
We wish you the best of British
But... hands off our English pound!! 💷

Nicola’s on a mission
not stopping at ANY cost
She will never be truly happy
Until she’s crowned the Queen of Scots 👑








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